This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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