I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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