Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
