woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
