If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
