Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
