Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
