I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
