Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
