Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
