Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
