@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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