He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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