I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
