I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
True strength comes from lack of pants
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
