alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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