I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
