Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I forget how to act sober
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
