Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
