i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
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