i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
