I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
