Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
