Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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