Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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