i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Panties = found
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
