I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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