i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
