i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i think i have two assholes
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
