News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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