She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
