My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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