office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
