Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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