Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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