i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well I just put wine in my tea
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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