i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
