jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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