he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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