Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
