Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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