What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
