Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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