i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize