You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
