Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
