i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
