She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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