Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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