Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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