remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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