so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
