when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
