I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
