Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
