he was CRYING into my vagina
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
