do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
