is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm getting married
To pizza
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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