im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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