Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
