i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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