he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
