If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
