dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
