FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
