im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
either way he was missing a nipple.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
