It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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