NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
