Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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