four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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