Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize